43 Comments
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Mickey Maher's avatar

Thanks for sharing Ethel Cain’s story. I feel this. For a long time I didn’t write because I had settled into writing about sports and my interests shifted and I was afraid to just write for me, of chasing that internet clout and not being confirmed by that. Letting that go has made writing fun again.

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Caoilainn Lander's avatar

That is amazing to hear! Stoked for you that you're enjoying writing again :)

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Areej's avatar

Loved reading this.

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Caoilainn Lander's avatar

Thanks so much Areej!

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Marília Silva's avatar

the freedom I felt at the end !!!!!!!! loved it, congratulations!!!!! 🥲💐💕

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Caoilainn Lander's avatar

Yayyyy 🩷🩷🩷

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Aisha's avatar

I enjoyed this so much, and that ending! Thank you ❤️

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Caoilainn Lander's avatar

Thank you Aisha 💜 hope to see you soon girl!!!

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Sarah Kmiecik's avatar

I loved reading this! You had me LOL-ing about the Carrie Bradshaw thing - I’ve wondered the same. But then again, I want to be my own thing, not Carrie Bradshaw 🥰 Thank you for sharing!!

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Dan Thomas's avatar

Great essay!

I had a thought about the “negative” posts getting more traction and wondered if the fact that they were addressing something that your readers had on their minds would account for this? Like, you’re speaking to things that they can relate to and have articulated them in ways that crystallise their feelings?

It might not be that at all, I just thought that it was a possibility and might be reassuring perhaps.

Definitely going to check out Ethel Cain now!

Love that quote at the end too.

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Caoilainn Lander's avatar

Thanks for reading, Dan! Definitely check out Ethel’s work, she is one of my favourite artists ✨

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Dan Thomas's avatar

OK, just listened to those two tracks you linked. American Teenager is absolutely my kind of jam. Loading up Pulldrone, I saw the cover art for Perverts and even THAT felt off-putting (in a very deliberate way). The track is really uncomfortable listening (but in a way that is utterly fascinating). I listened in a darkened room whilst lying on a blow up mattress - the mattress shifted under my weight whilst I was listening and it made me jump out of my skin.

The difference between the two is absolutely wild!

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Caoilainn Lander's avatar

Yes I made the mistake of trying to listen to the album alone at home and I was too scared!!! She just announced a third record coming out this Summer, very excited to see what we get from her this time!

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Destiny's avatar

I've been thinking about this post ever since I read it. I relate so much to what you say about feeling a deepened sense of respect for creatives. I also started my blog a little over a year ago and since then I've been a lot more considerate of other people's creative endeavors. It takes a lot to bring your vision to life and then share it with the world for possible scrutinization.

As much as I care about whether or not other people enjoy what I write, I've been learning that it's more important that *I* enjoy it.

Thank you for sharing :)

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Caoilainn Lander's avatar

Thank you so much for your sweet comment, Destiny (your name is also amazing) - you’re right, it takes guts that you don’t really appreciate until you do it. Power to you and keep pushing with your creative work 💜

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אדם פולצ׳ק's avatar

This was such a powerful and honest reflection. Your courage in sharing these struggles is exactly what makes your writing so compelling. You’ve captured the constant push and pull between creative fulfillment and external validation so beautifully. It takes true artistic bravery to stay authentic in a world that constantly pushes for more of the same. Thank you for sharing your journey – your words resonate deeply and remind us all why art truly matters.

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Caoilainn Lander's avatar

Thank you so much!!

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Ashley's avatar

“…fuel instead of feedback.” This resonated. Thank you so much for sharing.

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Chantelle Schmidt's avatar

Sometimes I forget what I like writing as a result of pursuing the content that gets the most engagement. I’m not proud of it, but it’s happened.

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Caoilainn Lander's avatar

It’s very easy to fall into!

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Jessie Cunniffe's avatar

This is so beautifully written and I resonate deeply. Thank you!

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Caoilainn Lander's avatar

Thanks so much for reading Jessie 🫶🏻

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Tuğba Avci's avatar

Beautiful 🫶🏼 And the best part? There’s more to come in our next episode—can’t wait. Yaaay 🎉

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Caoilainn Lander's avatar

me too! <3

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Brian's avatar

Great thoughts and an inspiring topic. Love the Lefsetz quote at the end. Keep going!

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Caoilainn Lander's avatar

Thank you Brian!

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Rebecca's avatar

Thank you for sharing this - you made me finally hit publish on my first text on here (which has been sitting in my drafts for weeks). I appreciate that nudge! And will also keep "insecurity is a sticky feeling" in my commonplace book :)

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Caoilainn Lander's avatar

Well done, Rebecca! Your post is great :) Keep going 🩷

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ANA TRIANA's avatar

Thank you for sharing this! Although I’m not a writer, I’m in the exact same situation with my creative work! So many tidbits of this piece resonated and made me feel “normal” in a sense! Thank you for the reminder and the motivation. Take it too, because your work is amazing to me and so many others!

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Caoilainn Lander's avatar

Thank you so much 🥹

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Caroline Beuley's avatar

I absolutely loved this Caoilainn! It's so hard not to get caught up in the numbers, but this was a good reminder that we should be proud of ourselves just for being brave enough to put our writing out there -- it's not an easy thing to do! Thank you :)

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Caoilainn Lander's avatar

Numbers are boring, words are magic! Thanks so much for reading <3

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Caroline Beuley's avatar

Exactly!!

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