The title got me on this one. I am so incredibly drawn to self-improvement messaging — and it’s so incredibly detrimental to think that your self needs endless improvement and optimization. It really is “quicksand,” as you say. Enchanting article ✨
As someone who just recently gave in to purchasing wall Pilates after being hit over the head with its ads EVERY SINGLE DAY for the past year, I felt this. I try to resist the slimy marketing tactics, the urge to doomscroll, the need to know useless, fleeting internet trends (Brat summer? Demure and mindful? Do I really need to know this?), but the struggle is real. I’m not even 14, I’m 44!😭😂 Great essay! This is how we fight back.✊🏽
Thank you so much for your kind words Nida! 💓 I thought brat summer was funny but 1) I didn’t even fully get the demure thing and 2) that really felt over before it even began 🤣 We don’t need this noise! We need to frolic 🌸
This encapsulates my own experience of this energy overwhelm and how now I am listening to my body. When she feels the ick, sick, nauseous, headachey, I lie down and stare at the ceiling, or go for a walk. I quit all social media back in 2020 but battled on/off with IG and now off it completely. My phone is still at me though. I am almost finished a post about how the phone is a metaphor for the mind, which I need to get back to. My lesson is to listen to the body, honour what she feeds back to me, and never to override her. Thank you for sharing!
Thank you so much Íse - I'm super interested to read your post about the phone being a metaphor for the mind!!! The phone being an object, an extension of our minds as well as a body part is something that I find really fascinating. I touched on it in one of my other recent posts called "Me, my phone and I" - https://open.substack.com/pub/caoilainn/p/me-my-phone-and-i?r=1xgpg1&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web
"I don’t think any the civilisations that came before us were so obsessed with building habits, time management and self-optimisation." :)
Time Management is an industrial thing post-WW1-era-esque - foisted upon us by "Management" Experts. I read somewhere it was some guy who shadowed Coal Miners or SteelMill Workers and then showed that XYZ thing could be done in less time or whatever who started the trend of 'Atomic' Maximising.
(gaaah! why won't susbtack allow formatting in comments?!!)
Yoga, and the practice of Meditation or the other Hindu/Indian religious practices - and one could say the entire Hindu or Indian way of life if about Building Habits, Self-Optimisation towards the next stage(s) of life - and finally to Moksha.
Loved reading this and it feels so relatable right now. I completely exited instagram maybe nearly 2 years ago now (it’s been so long I can’t actually remember) but I’m still so drawn to those short snappy videos on YouTube and Facebook and all of a sudden I find myself watching something and then thinking would my life be better if… when I’m really happy with my life as it is! Amazing how it gets you, eh!
I always remind myself how many teams of people designed this specifically to make it addictive. You need to be so careful to protect your time! Thanks for reading 💕
When I found out what hip dips were—and that I had them—I was like why are we inventing new demons? Are they issuing patents on insecurities now or something?
This is a wonderful essay, and I deeply resonate with the temptation to add layers of “productivity” instead of just resting. It’s such a tough push and pull — I feel more pressure to perform optimization for others than to actually be optimized for myself.
I recently started a small challenge where I take a 20-minute nap everyday (the nature of my work makes this impossible some days), but it’s helping me do “nothing.”
I love this idea! Reminds me of the many 30-day challenges (eg. for exercise etc) on youtube, for self-improvement. Imagining the youtube video for "30 days of napping" - how inspiring it would be 😆
Great piece, I often catch myself thinking about it!
I’ve noticed that since last year my obsession with planning my months, yearly goals, or defining priorities has drastically decreased. I keep my notion mainly to storage information or when it’s required that I plan far ahead (i.e.: holidays), create to do lists only when I have a reasonable amount of things to remember, and just put anything relevant on my calendar because it doesn’t have to be so complicated. What proportionally increased? The time I’m spending with my friends, making new friends aligned with my values, committing with new hobbies, prioritising my faith.
What allowed me to do so? Career safety and finding an apartment that makes me comfortable.
Life isn’t that complicated, it truly is about access to basic rights and not thinking about ourselves too much. I’m happy that I can see my obsession with self-development fading away and I hope this moment will come for next generations too.
I’d say that it was natural! For me, I see as a consequence of spending less time alone and more time with people and activities that are aligned with what I believe and enjoy (+ security!) ☺️ I didn’t even see it coming, one day I just thought “oh, I haven’t opened my notion in a while” hahaha
I just sent this article to all my badass women friends. This was SOOOOO perfect for me to read as I consider what I want to stop doing, start doing, and continue doing in 2025. As a person in recovery for many years, staying on the straight and narrow, purging the demons, and improving myself has been important. BUT -- sometimes I can definitely overdo all of the "learning from life lessons" bullshit. This year I want to START setting the bar lower. Yup. Lower. Because, honestly, I'm fucking exhausted.
All the best to you Tracy 🩷 you can definitely set some meaningful resolutions for 2025! My first few posts in January will have some inspiration about this :)
Ooph, you've hit the nail on the head with this. The problem is that in this so called 'attention economy', our attention is relentlessly competed for as if it is an unlimited resource. The net result... everything in your post. If you're interested in how things could start to look different, myself and a few others are putting together the first phase of a movement to respect our attention. Take a look: https://soundquakepodcasts.notion.site/We-Respect-Your-Attention-Initiative-Strategic-Overview-152cd78f5e8380b0805bf92e70374ff7?pvs=4
The title got me on this one. I am so incredibly drawn to self-improvement messaging — and it’s so incredibly detrimental to think that your self needs endless improvement and optimization. It really is “quicksand,” as you say. Enchanting article ✨
Thank you Rose and so happy it connected 🫶🏻 we really are all living through the same struggles
As someone who just recently gave in to purchasing wall Pilates after being hit over the head with its ads EVERY SINGLE DAY for the past year, I felt this. I try to resist the slimy marketing tactics, the urge to doomscroll, the need to know useless, fleeting internet trends (Brat summer? Demure and mindful? Do I really need to know this?), but the struggle is real. I’m not even 14, I’m 44!😭😂 Great essay! This is how we fight back.✊🏽
Thank you so much for your kind words Nida! 💓 I thought brat summer was funny but 1) I didn’t even fully get the demure thing and 2) that really felt over before it even began 🤣 We don’t need this noise! We need to frolic 🌸
Absolutely! Play is so underrated as a means for self-actualization. We really had it right the first time, as kids.😂
Lolling at the Serena Van Der Woodsen ref ☺️💕
Any excuse to reference Gossip Girl 🤣
I cannot tell you how much I needed to read this. Thank you.
Thank YOU for reading Katie 🫶🏻 so happy this resonated
This encapsulates my own experience of this energy overwhelm and how now I am listening to my body. When she feels the ick, sick, nauseous, headachey, I lie down and stare at the ceiling, or go for a walk. I quit all social media back in 2020 but battled on/off with IG and now off it completely. My phone is still at me though. I am almost finished a post about how the phone is a metaphor for the mind, which I need to get back to. My lesson is to listen to the body, honour what she feeds back to me, and never to override her. Thank you for sharing!
Thank you so much Íse - I'm super interested to read your post about the phone being a metaphor for the mind!!! The phone being an object, an extension of our minds as well as a body part is something that I find really fascinating. I touched on it in one of my other recent posts called "Me, my phone and I" - https://open.substack.com/pub/caoilainn/p/me-my-phone-and-i?r=1xgpg1&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web
Thanks for sharing - I enjoyed reading it and I had to laugh as we cite the same study from different sources, great minds 😉
🤣 Is it now acceptable to dunk on Atomic Habits?!
YESSS! *brings out litany of complaints*
Btw:
"I don’t think any the civilisations that came before us were so obsessed with building habits, time management and self-optimisation." :)
Time Management is an industrial thing post-WW1-era-esque - foisted upon us by "Management" Experts. I read somewhere it was some guy who shadowed Coal Miners or SteelMill Workers and then showed that XYZ thing could be done in less time or whatever who started the trend of 'Atomic' Maximising.
(gaaah! why won't susbtack allow formatting in comments?!!)
Yoga, and the practice of Meditation or the other Hindu/Indian religious practices - and one could say the entire Hindu or Indian way of life if about Building Habits, Self-Optimisation towards the next stage(s) of life - and finally to Moksha.
Loved reading this and it feels so relatable right now. I completely exited instagram maybe nearly 2 years ago now (it’s been so long I can’t actually remember) but I’m still so drawn to those short snappy videos on YouTube and Facebook and all of a sudden I find myself watching something and then thinking would my life be better if… when I’m really happy with my life as it is! Amazing how it gets you, eh!
I always remind myself how many teams of people designed this specifically to make it addictive. You need to be so careful to protect your time! Thanks for reading 💕
When I found out what hip dips were—and that I had them—I was like why are we inventing new demons? Are they issuing patents on insecurities now or something?
Also, I don’t even think they look bad!
This is a wonderful essay, and I deeply resonate with the temptation to add layers of “productivity” instead of just resting. It’s such a tough push and pull — I feel more pressure to perform optimization for others than to actually be optimized for myself.
I recently started a small challenge where I take a 20-minute nap everyday (the nature of my work makes this impossible some days), but it’s helping me do “nothing.”
I love this idea! Reminds me of the many 30-day challenges (eg. for exercise etc) on youtube, for self-improvement. Imagining the youtube video for "30 days of napping" - how inspiring it would be 😆
I truly need to take this on (but I'm panicking inside because ""productivity""")
It's a shared struggle for so many of us!
Great piece, I often catch myself thinking about it!
I’ve noticed that since last year my obsession with planning my months, yearly goals, or defining priorities has drastically decreased. I keep my notion mainly to storage information or when it’s required that I plan far ahead (i.e.: holidays), create to do lists only when I have a reasonable amount of things to remember, and just put anything relevant on my calendar because it doesn’t have to be so complicated. What proportionally increased? The time I’m spending with my friends, making new friends aligned with my values, committing with new hobbies, prioritising my faith.
What allowed me to do so? Career safety and finding an apartment that makes me comfortable.
Life isn’t that complicated, it truly is about access to basic rights and not thinking about ourselves too much. I’m happy that I can see my obsession with self-development fading away and I hope this moment will come for next generations too.
Did you intentionally set out to become less obsessed with self-optimizing or was the change natural?
I’d say that it was natural! For me, I see as a consequence of spending less time alone and more time with people and activities that are aligned with what I believe and enjoy (+ security!) ☺️ I didn’t even see it coming, one day I just thought “oh, I haven’t opened my notion in a while” hahaha
the $5,000 cold water tub is so REAL!!
I love this take & would love to lie in a field with you any day 🧚🏽♀️
Thanks for reading, Julia! 🩷
The title instantly made me read this. Great read and I’m excited to read Cal Newport’s book you mentioned! 🥰
You won’t regret it Kamela! Thanks for reading 💕
I just sent this article to all my badass women friends. This was SOOOOO perfect for me to read as I consider what I want to stop doing, start doing, and continue doing in 2025. As a person in recovery for many years, staying on the straight and narrow, purging the demons, and improving myself has been important. BUT -- sometimes I can definitely overdo all of the "learning from life lessons" bullshit. This year I want to START setting the bar lower. Yup. Lower. Because, honestly, I'm fucking exhausted.
All the best to you Tracy 🩷 you can definitely set some meaningful resolutions for 2025! My first few posts in January will have some inspiration about this :)
Huge goal of mine going into 2025 is actually alllowing myself to be bored and not constantly stimulated.
Amazing read 🌹❤️🍄🎂🌟🌟
Ooph, you've hit the nail on the head with this. The problem is that in this so called 'attention economy', our attention is relentlessly competed for as if it is an unlimited resource. The net result... everything in your post. If you're interested in how things could start to look different, myself and a few others are putting together the first phase of a movement to respect our attention. Take a look: https://soundquakepodcasts.notion.site/We-Respect-Your-Attention-Initiative-Strategic-Overview-152cd78f5e8380b0805bf92e70374ff7?pvs=4